tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54802017747756119912024-03-13T02:28:17.734-07:00Jim Mullaney's Blog It Out Your EarsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.comBlogger228125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-48088277886004851172015-02-09T18:35:00.000-08:002015-02-09T18:35:09.796-08:00Shoot the Moon Cover and Blurb Preview! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-bYsqBCAJ7dhUKTSj-oJe-TEyizbeSqXyOPaVsMfBWlHuBEYS6JfiDbNBbTeauD15550bkiBjhuHcM0qOlvV80uRBpq-ZQz0qc94uRyBooMOU8JhWbzUAlIZki0ZApnlHCE99qaGDApo/s1600/ShoottheMoonMed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-bYsqBCAJ7dhUKTSj-oJe-TEyizbeSqXyOPaVsMfBWlHuBEYS6JfiDbNBbTeauD15550bkiBjhuHcM0qOlvV80uRBpq-ZQz0qc94uRyBooMOU8JhWbzUAlIZki0ZApnlHCE99qaGDApo/s1600/ShoottheMoonMed.jpg" height="320" width="193" /></a></div>
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><br /> CRAG BANYON: WHEN THE MOON IS HIGH, SO IS HE<br /> <br />
Find a missing book. What could be easier? Not so easy when the book is
the sacred Gypsy bible and the P.I. hired to track it down is Crag
Banyon, for whom "luck" is a four-letter word spelled B-A-D.<br /> <br /> The case turns out to be a real page turner, with more thrills, chills and spills than a midnight <span class="text_exposed_show">trip
to the men's room of Banyon's favorite watering hole. And closing time
has never been so deadly, now that a mysterious four-legged figure has
set its sights on one particular hapless investigator whose knack for
figuring out plot twists and polishing off cocktails has gotten him
banned from every church book club in the tri-city area.<br /> <br /> Why
are the latest murderous rampages to terrorize the town exquisitely
timed to fall between the rising and setting of the moon, and what does
it all have to do with a leggy Gypsy dame, a gaggle of Gypsy hags, their
AWOL Gypsy king, and the musty misplaced manuscript that holds all
their tribe's deepest, darkest secrets? That's for Crag Banyon to find
out, assuming he doesn't lose interest or get slaughtered before either
the last page or the check clears.<br /> <br /> RATES COMMENSURATE</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-19983349123962123212014-10-22T22:48:00.003-07:002014-10-22T22:48:56.828-07:00Critical Blast<a data-mce-href="http://www.criticalblast.com/" href="http://www.criticalblast.com/" target="_blank" title="Critical Blast">Critical Blast</a>.
No, not a new Destroyer title. It's the name of a website which "is
dedicated to delivering news, reviews, opinions and interviews from the
field of entertainment and pop culture." One of the contributors is
Destroyer fan and book reviewer R.J. Carter.<br />
Many of his Destroyer
articles appeared in The-Trades. Unfortunately, the site's owners
decided to stop running it, so that site is now defunct. But R.J. and
some of the other contributors got together and started Critical Review.
Go check it out and "like" the site's <a data-mce-href="https://www.facebook.com/CriticalBlast" href="https://www.facebook.com/CriticalBlast" target="_blank" title="Facebook page">Facebook page</a> as well.<br />
Fortunately, R.J. managed to save some Destroyer and Legacy reviews and interviews, including this one with <a data-mce-href="http://www.criticalblast.com/articles/2007/03/28/warren-murphy-and-james-mullaney-building-better-destroyer" href="http://www.criticalblast.com/articles/2007/03/28/warren-murphy-and-james-mullaney-building-better-destroyer" target="_blank" title="Warren Murphy and James Mullaney">Warren Murphy and James Mullaney</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-75370786454436784752014-10-22T01:04:00.000-07:002014-10-22T01:04:09.941-07:00Red on the Menu now availableThe Red Menace #5: Red on the Menu, is now available from <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Red-Menu-Menace-5-ebook/dp/B00O90TR2O/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1413964744&sr=1-1&keywords=Red+on+the+Menu" target="_blank">Amazon</a> and also on <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/484849" target="_blank">Smashwords</a> <abbr title="Nook, Kobo, Sony Reader, and tablets">for epub</abbr><span>, </span>
<abbr title="Desktop; best for technical, illustrated, or photographic works">pdf</abbr><span>, </span>
<abbr title="BeBook">rtf,</abbr><span> </span>
<abbr title="Older Sony readers">lrf</abbr><span>, </span>
<abbr title="Older Palm devices">pdb, </abbr><span> </span>
<abbr title="Archival; contains no formatting">txt</abbr><span> </span>
<abbr title="Available for reading online">and html</abbr>.<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
HOLD THE PICKLE, HOLD THE HOMICIDE!<br /><br />Something fishy is going on
at famous Franklin Morrow's Restaurants. Why is the most successful
chain of eateries in the U.S. suddenly catering to the murder and mayhem
crowd, and who exactly is the mysterious man in the ten gallon hat with
an all-you-can eat appetite for death and destruction?<br /><br />All signs
point to something big and bad being served up soon, but the CIA, FBI
and Pentagon are all out to lunch, leaving only one of America's
intelligence agencies to chew around the edges of a vast and horrifying
terror plot.<br /><br />When one body too many surfaces, MIC Director Simon
Kirk has finally had a bellyful of bad bistro news and decides that
someone is in need of some just desserts. And, of course, who else but
Podge Becket and the brilliant Dr. Thaddeus Wainwright would be
dispatched to act as the ultimate antacid?<br /><br />As always, how does America spell relief? R-E-D M-E-N-A-C-E! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-62459168840293190812014-08-21T11:59:00.001-07:002014-08-21T12:00:05.450-07:00BREAKING DESTROYER MOVIE NEWS:<span data-mce-style="text-decoration: underline;" style="text-decoration: underline;">SHANE BLACK TO DIRECT “THE DESTROYER” FOR SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT, ATLAS ENTERTAINMENT, AND CURRENTENTERTAINMENT TO PRODUCE</span><br />
<br />
<i>Jim Uhls & <span data-mce-style="color: #ff0000;" style="color: red;">James Mullaney</span> Penning the Screenplay Based On the Long-Running Book Series</i><br />
<br />
LOS
ANGELES, CA, AUGUST 21, 2014 – Sony Pictures Entertainment announced
today Shane Black will direct the film adaptation of the popular
adventure book series THE DESTROYER by Warren Murphy. Penning the
screenplay are Jim Uhls (Fight Club) and
James Mullaney; Mullaney co-authored and became the sole writer of THE
DESTROYER until the series’ end in 2008. Charles Roven, Steven Chasman,
and Andy Horwitz will produce. Michael De Luca and Lauren Abrahams will
oversee for Sony Pictures Entertainment.<br />
<br />
THE DESTROYER is based on
the series of paperback novels in which Newark cop Remo Williams is
framed, sentenced to death, then resurrected following a botched
execution. The reason? To serve as enforcement arm for CURE, a
top-secret, extra-Constitutional arm of the U.S. government. Along with
a seemingly ageless – and often hilarious – Asian assassin known only
as Chiun, Williams sets out to "clean up" and take out those who oppose
America’s interests. The surprisingly-heartfelt stories combine edgy
old-school suspense with Eastern mysticism to produce unique, rapid-fire
capers full of slick banter, social satire, and sudden violence.<br />
<br />
“Shane
has been a fan of the original DESTROYER book series since its
inception and he has an incredible vision for this film. Atlas couldn’t
be more fortunate to be working with this talented director on this
material,” said Charles Roven of Atlas Entertainment. “The narrative Jim
and James have created is incredibly rich and while it’s a story rooted
in adventure, it is also very much character driven.”<br />
“The
Destroyer is a two-fisted classic and deserves no less than the genius
of Shane Black,” said Michael De Luca, president of Production for
Columbia Pictures.“We couldn't be more excited about his vision for this
character.”<br />
Shane Black is currently attached to co-write and
direct DOC SAVAGE, based on the hero of pulp novels, films, and comic
books, for Columbia Pictures. Black most recently wrote and directed
IRON MAN 3, which became the fifth highest grossing film of all time
worldwide. He began his career in screenwriting, making his mark with
LETHAL WEAPON and collaborating on its sequel. Black’s directorial debut
came in 2005 with his critically acclaimed KISS KISS BANG BANG starring
Robert Downey, Jr. and Val Kilmer.<br />
<br />
Jim Uhls is best known for
having written the screenplay for the classic film FIGHT CLUB directed
by David Fincher. Subsequently he has written a number of films and
television shows, having worked with the likes of Steven Spielberg,
Doug Liman, and Shane Black, to name a few. Jim began his career as an
original member of The Actors Gang when it was founded at UCLA.<br />
<br />
James Mullaney is
a Shamus Award-nominated novelist who has written 37 books, as well as
comics and short stories. He is author of the Red Menaceseries of spy
thrillers and the comic-fantasy-noir Crag Banyon Mysteries
detective series.<br />
<br />
Black is represented by WME and David Greenblatt
of GreenLit Creative. Uhls is represented by Paradigmand Anonymous
Content. Mullaney is represented by David Greenblatt as well.<br />
<br />
ABOUT SONY PICTURES:<br />
<br />
Sony
Pictures Entertainment (SPE) is a subsidiary of Sony Entertainment
Inc., a subsidiary of Tokyo-based Sony Corporation. SPE's global
operations encompass motion picture production, acquisition and
distribution; television production, acquisition and distribution;
television networks; digital content creation and distribution;
operation of studio facilities; and development of new entertainment
products, services and technologies. For additional information, go to <a data-mce-href="http://www.sonypictures.com/%20/t%20_blank" href="http://www.sonypictures.com/%20/t%20_blank" target="_blank" title="http://www.sonypictures.com/ /t _blank">http://www.sonypictures.com</a>.<br />
<br />
ABOUT ATLAS ENTERTAINMENT:<br />
<br />
Atlas
Entertainment, led by founder Charles Roven, produces blockbuster films
as well as critically acclaimed features. Atlas Entertainment’s films
have generated billions of dollars in revenues. Atlas is currently in
production on the highly anticipated feature film Batman v Superman:
Dawn of Justice for Warner Bros directed by Zack Snyder set for release
on <span class="aBn"><span class="aQJ">March 25, 2016</span></span>.
Also upcoming, Atlas Entertainment is in post-production on Duncan
Jones’ Warcraft from Legendary Pictures and Universal Pictures with a <span class="aBn"><span class="aQJ">March 11, 2016</span></span>
release. Atlas Entertainment is also filming the SYFY series 12
Monkeys, a drama series based on the 1995 Universal Pictures film
directed by Terry Gilliam and produced by Charles Roven’s Atlas
Entertainment, slated to premiere January 2015. The Atlas team most
recently collaborated with David O. Russell on the critically acclaimed
box office hit American Hustle which has grossed more than 250 million
dollars in world wide box-office. Among its many accolades, the film
won 3 BAFTA awards, was nominated for 10 Academy Awards ® including a
Best Picture nomination for Atlas’ producers Charles Roven and Richard
Suckle. It also received seven Golden Globe® nominations, winning 3
including Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical.<br />
<br />
<span data-mce-style="color: #000000;" style="color: black;"><a class="mce-item-anchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="147f895cb1a823fe__GoBack"></a>ABOUT CURRENT ENTERTAINMENT:</span><br />
<br />
Current
Entertainment, founded by Steven Chasman, has specialized in producing
cutting edge action films. Chasman’s latest production Wild Card, based
on the screenplay and novel Heat written by Academy Award-winner
William Goldman, and starring Jason Statham, Stanley Tucci, Hope Davis
and Sofia Vergara, will be released worldwide in the first quarter 2015.
Chasman and Current Entertainment have also produced a number of films
with Luc Besson, including the highly successful Transporter
Trilogy starring Statham, the Jet Li-starring films Kiss of the
Dragon and Unleashed, and Taxi starring Jimmy Fallon. Some of Current
Entertainment's other productions include: Taylor
Hackford-directed Parker based on the series of novels by Donald
Westlake, which starred Statham, Jennifer Lopez and Nick
Nolte, Blitz based on the novel by KenBruen, Killer Elite based on the
true story written by Sir Ranulph Fiennes, starring Statham, Robert
De Niro and Clive Owen, and alongside Charles Roven/Atlas Entertainment,
Roger Donaldson’s critically acclaimed The Bank Job, starring Statham
and based on the 1971 Baker Street bank robbery.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-9737275262044325532014-07-09T10:52:00.000-07:002014-07-09T10:52:33.466-07:00Thanks to Randy Johnson for his review of Flying Blind.<br />
<br />
Randy's Blog: <a href="http://randall120.wordpress.com/2014/07/09/flying-blinda-crag-banyon-mystery-james-mullaney/" target="_blank">Not the Baseball Pitcher</a><br />
<br />
And the review on Amazon is <a href="http://smile.amazon.com/review/R2WXP33F29PVL6/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B00LBJK9FA" target="_blank">HERE</a><br />
<br />
If this review gets you interested in Banyon, please follow Randy's lead and review the books on Amazon or Barnes and Noble or anyplace you can get the word out. Reviews help sales and keep a poor writer in gin and printer ink.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-48506439646908956852014-06-26T21:04:00.000-07:002014-06-26T21:08:50.498-07:00It's here! The sixth Crag Banyon Mystery, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Flying-Blind-Crag-Banyon-Mystery-ebook/dp/B00LBJK9FA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1403841945&sr=8-1&keywords=James+Mullaney%2C+Flying+Blind" target="_blank">Flying Blind</a>, is now live on Amazon's Kindle:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjqT1XGDr0cOeJUmfjicvhi8cJsrOyXmVoGpNtAXmlUgfgrUU6n6SHrSXURMSCbB_J8tf_zYqeHgVYhIQzvaEzjd7nn6-Axki2e_0aso_dE65CfRl5gjbQuOcSOvgJkoGOyO8-UdVD-VA/s1600/FlyingblindFrontCover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjqT1XGDr0cOeJUmfjicvhi8cJsrOyXmVoGpNtAXmlUgfgrUU6n6SHrSXURMSCbB_J8tf_zYqeHgVYhIQzvaEzjd7nn6-Axki2e_0aso_dE65CfRl5gjbQuOcSOvgJkoGOyO8-UdVD-VA/s1600/FlyingblindFrontCover.jpg" height="320" width="191" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-16065547274815658922014-05-27T14:47:00.001-07:002014-05-27T14:47:18.292-07:00<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">The
last Banyon will soon be joined by the next Banyon (Flying Blind). While you wait for
the next one, pick up your copy of the previous one. There's a
leprechaun, a plucky girl reporter, and a river of booze.</span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}" style="text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41HiLSCYSAL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41HiLSCYSAL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-66512076362555807342014-04-29T13:37:00.001-07:002014-04-29T13:38:17.742-07:00Personal Stuff<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">I
don't write about personal stuff online. Sharing details of my life with
the world isn't my bag, baby. But I'm making an exception here because
it might be important for someone who might stumble upon this post. More
on that in a minute.<br /> <br /> About a month ago, my mother started
acting a little goofy. Just small things, but over the course of a few
days they added up to a pattern. You've all probabl<span class="text_exposed_show">y
heard that a urinary tract infection can cause clouded thinking,
slurred speech, etc. We hadn't. She was put on the antibiotic
Ciprofloxacin. Way down the list of side effects is a long list of
psychiatric side effects. My mom got the works: hallucinations, anxiety,
depression, depersonalization...a half dozen more. She basically went
nuts. She was hospitalized for two weeks. Nearly every doctor was
worthless. Some, in fact, made her worse. They began looking for stuff
it wasn't, and a lumbar puncture left her unable to walk and she wound
up with pneumonia. The reason for her sudden behavior change was simple
to us, because we did the research. She had gone from common UTI
symptoms and then took six hits of acid. <br /> <br /> I'll be writing a lot
more about this at some point in the future, because the details will
appall you, but I'm writing this Reader's Digest version now because
maybe somebody out there right now -- this very morning -- is going
through what we went through this past month. <br /> <br /> For nearly a
month, my mother has had something people online very accurately refer
to as "brain fog." She'd answer questions, but she wasn't all there. On a
good day, half her brain was with us, but the other half was somewhere
beyond Neptune. Thank God during this time we met two people whose
mothers had the exact same reaction to Cipro. They told us the fog would
last about a month and that it'd take two months for it to completely
clear. No doctor told us this. On Thursday, my mom's head began to
clear. This was 25 days after her last Ciprofloxacin pill. By Thursday
night, she was maybe 90% herself again. We were worried that she'd drop
back into the fog the next day, because that can and may yet happen. She
didn't, and she hasn't, and she's remained alert and herself since
Thursday. She's smiling again, cracking wise, and she engages in
conversations rather than stares at the wall like a zombie.<br /> <br />
Like I said, I'll be writing more about this later on. (You'll
especially love the part about the doctor who casually assured us very
early on Thursday morning -- the very day my mom woke up and finally
broke through the fog -- that she wasn't getting better, that she was in
fact getting worse, and that she'd be dead in six to eight months. I
carry around a list of Cipro's psychiatric side effects in my wallet
now, and when I tried to show them to this moron he wouldn't even read
them.) I'm writing this now because online research was only
semi-helpful. What helped most of all were the two people we met who
told us that the exact same thing happened to their mothers on this drug
and that it would take a month for the brain fog to clear, and another
month to get back to normal. <br /> <br /> I don't tell people to share my
posts, but this one might be a good one because who knows? Maybe
somebody on your list or somebody on their list or somebody on somebody
else's list you don't even know is right now going through what we went
through, with unhelpful doctors ignoring documented side effects and
equally unhelpful Internet Web sites that shriek "CIPRO IS POISON!" It's
not. It's medicine that works well for most people. But when it doesn't
work...brother, it don't work. But for those of you out there right now
whose loved ones are in the .1 to 1% who've won this rare, terrible
side-effects lottery: give it a month. As terrible as it is, it does get
better.</span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-5626950204952574402014-04-14T11:41:00.000-07:002014-04-14T11:41:50.562-07:00Red on the Menu Blurb:<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">I've
been unexpectedly delayed completing The Red Menace #5, Red on the
Menu, but I managed today to carve out a few minutes for the back cover
blurb:<br /> <br /> HOLD THE PICKLE, HOLD THE HOMICIDE!<br /> <br /> Something
fishy is going on at famous Franklin Morrow's Restaurants. Why is the
most successful chain of eateries in the U.S. suddenly catering to the
murder and mayhem crowd, and who exactly is the mysterious man in the
ten gallon hat with an all-you-can eat appetite for death and destruc<span class="text_exposed_show">tion?<br /> <br />
All signs point to something big and bad being served up soon, but the
CIA, FBI and Pentagon are all out to lunch, leaving only one of
America's intelligence agencies to chew around the edges of a vast and
horrifying terror plot.<br /> <br /> When one body too many surfaces, MIC
Director Simon Kirk has finally had a bellyful of bad bistro news and
decides that someone is in need of some just desserts. And, of course,
who else but Podge Becket and the brilliant Dr. Thaddeus Wainwright
would be dispatched to act as the ultimate antacid? <br /> <br /> As always, how does America spell relief? R-E-D M-E-N-A-C-E!</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-29579572973271994632014-04-05T20:38:00.000-07:002014-04-05T20:38:04.118-07:00Late Night TV Hosts<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">Everybody
talks about all these late night TV hosts like they aren't awful.
Well, they are. All of them for the past twenty-plus years were and are
terrible, except one. The one exception gets very little notice and is
laugh out loud funny, and if I were an insomniac or a maniac with a
fetish for pantomime horses I would watch him every night. Craig
Ferguson is easily the #1 guy in late night. He can make me laugh while
the others can't even get me to smile.</span></span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-36399273249642256162014-03-25T14:17:00.001-07:002014-03-25T14:17:40.378-07:00<span class="userContent">More than halfway through writing the latest
Red Menace, "Red on the Menu." Just read a line of dialogue I forgot I
wrote while exhausted late last night that made me laugh out loud, which
is always a nice surprise. If you aren't yet acquainted with the Red
Menace, what's wrong with you? Any of the books will do for a start.
Here's a good one: </span><br />
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<span class="userContent"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Red-Letter-Day-The-Menace-ebook/dp/B00CHPIC7Y/ref=pd_sim_kstore_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=1YPCXXVG1WP2EVEZ22N2" target="_blank">A Red Letter Day (The Red Menace #4)</a></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-52125789047261229872014-03-12T11:06:00.001-07:002014-03-12T11:37:51.826-07:00New Review for Sea No EvilThanks, Julia Hopkinson, for your review of Sea No Evil at <a href="http://readersfavorite.com/book-review/26997" target="_blank">Readers' Favorites</a>.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZo2ymSaCJu0SvMigPT4yO9bmYngho-E7rze5zihxUH72N4yq7aA_77UXEFxhQS2rKIVUTmiJAizekw7p3fJ36Y52IoiXooztQeHMPHti9j8uVVhvfhRkdJ730G4uuAjJhLsc7ysum1L0/s1600/SeaNoEvilMed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZo2ymSaCJu0SvMigPT4yO9bmYngho-E7rze5zihxUH72N4yq7aA_77UXEFxhQS2rKIVUTmiJAizekw7p3fJ36Y52IoiXooztQeHMPHti9j8uVVhvfhRkdJ730G4uuAjJhLsc7ysum1L0/s1600/SeaNoEvilMed.jpg" height="320" width="219" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On Sale at <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sea-Evil-Crag-Banyon-Mystery-ebook/dp/B00CTQBAKC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394647427&sr=1-1&keywords=Sea+No+Evil" target="_blank">Amazon</a>, <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sea-no-evil-james-mullaney/1115446428?ean=2940044540347" target="_blank">B&N</a>, <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/317118" target="_blank">Smashwords</a></td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-40052484053507076282014-02-10T13:38:00.000-08:002014-02-10T13:38:09.220-08:00Importance of Reviews<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-size: small;">I
just wrote a great big February newsletter filling in subscribers on the
importance of Amazon reviews. I figured The Red Menace and Crag Banyon
pages would be the best place to find the biggest fans. I'll post this
to both pages.<br /> <br /> In a nutshell, Amazon reviews make or break a
series. You might think that books from your favorite authors will keep
going on without your help. They might not. </span><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-size: small;">This
isn't the old days, with series books clogging the shelves of the
corner bookstore. A couple of minutes of your time over on Amazon could
mean the difference between life and death for The Red Menace and Crag
Banyon. It really is that simple.<br /> <br /> If you've read and enjoyed
only the most recent books -- A Red Letter Day or Bum Luck -- or just
the first books in each series -- Red and Buried or One Horse Open Slay
-- it doesn't matter. Review one book, review them all. Obviously I'd
prefer all, but, hey, I'll take what I can get. I need your help,
folks, and so do Podge Becket & Dr. Wainwright and Banyon, Mannix,
Doris and all the rest. If you wait, you'll forget, do it now. Thanks
in advance.</span><br /> </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-12498045324723670252014-02-05T12:37:00.001-08:002014-02-05T12:37:55.750-08:00Thanks to K.S. Brooks and the folks at Indies Unlimited for featuring my latest Banyon Mystery, Bum Luck, in their <a href="http://www.indiesunlimited.com/2014/02/05/fun-titles-for-february/" target="_blank">Fun Titles for February</a> post.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-78000376684264267722014-01-05T21:28:00.001-08:002014-02-13T21:22:33.133-08:00Bum Luck Cover<span style="font-size: small;">The cover of Bum Luck (the Crag Banyon Mysteries #5) is finished. </span><span style="font-size: small;"> Thanks for the great job, <a href="http://gentlemanbeggar.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Micah Birchfield</a></span><span style="font-size: small;">:</span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-23099112989105705662013-12-23T15:47:00.000-08:002013-12-23T15:47:12.079-08:00Bum Luck (A Crag Banyon Mystery #5)<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">For
you Banyon fans out there, a quick update. The fifth Crag Banyon
Mystery, Bum Luck, is ready to go and is only awaiting final work on the
cover art. Once that's ready, we'll be good to go. In the meantime,
Banyon #6 -- as yet untitled -- is nearly finished. Then on to the next
big project. <br /> <br /> There will never be enough time in this life to write all the stuff I want to write.</span></span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-35178422112454670912013-12-16T01:12:00.001-08:002013-12-16T01:14:51.392-08:00<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">I
just read a very questionable statistic that claimed an average adult
laughs 15 times a day while a kid laughs 400 times. Maybe. If that kid
is wearing greasepaint and trying to take over Gotham City.</span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-69457462151482515972013-11-25T06:51:00.001-08:002013-11-25T06:52:24.430-08:00Goofball Review of Goofball Star Trek Episode "The Changeling"<span style="font-size: small;">This week's Star Trek episode is a result of a tear in the space-time continuum through which the script to <i>Star Trek: The Movie </i>
fell backwards ten years and was turned into a cheap 1960s TV show.
Either that or the movie people just copied the same exact plot ten
years later in 1978 and threw 50 million bucks worth of movie lipstick
on an aging, anorexic TV pig. (No, not Uhura. I said "anorexic.")<br /><br />We
learn at the start of the show that four billion people have been
killed in a star system, and the near total apathy of the bridge crew
suggests that they didn't really like those four billion people all that
much. I mean, it's not like one of those four billion people was
Chekov or somebody whose death always makes Kirk sit up and take notice
every time he's killed. Maybe those four billion people kept Kirk's
Frisbee when he threw it in their solar system when he was a kid, or
maybe they played their music so loud they kept everyone else up in the
Milky Way all night long. So good riddance, four billion anonymous
people. I'm sure you were all guilty of something.<br /><br />After not
caring that four billion people are dead at a writer's whim, a green
blob suddenly flies at the Enterprise and everyone starts falling all
over the bridge because it still hasn't occurred to anybody to install
seat belts. All they've got is that little fence running around the
bridge that everyone is always falling into and grabbing onto, and I
wonder if Starfleet has to put up a disclaimer about chipped teeth like
those security bars in parking lot traveling carnival roller coasters.
The janitor must have to come in after every alien encounter with a huge
mop like those kids use in supermarket aisles to sweep up Sulu's teeth.<br /><br />Spock
says the energy attack of the green blob was equal to 90 photon
torpedoes. The Enterprise is usually bouncing back and forth with
panels exploding and smoke coming out the computer consoles with only
one or two photo torpedo hits, so I'd think 90 would leave nothing but a
crater in space where Shatner's ego used to be. <br /><br />The
Enterprise's shields are down to 20% and Spock says that they can
withstand three more such attacks. I'm not the best mathematician in
the galaxy or a great big super-brain like Spock, but let me have a
dummy human whirl at this.<br /><br />1 energy blob = 90 photon torpedoes and resulted in an 80% loss to the shields.<br /><br />3 more energy blobs = 270 photon torpedoes and would result in another 240% loss in the shields.<br /><br />Since
you'd only need 101% total green blob energy -- 100% to collapse the
shields, 1% to blow up the ship -- by my back-of-the-matchbook
calculations, 1 more energy blob would be sufficient to destroy the
Enterprise completely with 59% green blob energy left over to vaporize
Kirk's toupee just in case he panics and tries launching it out an
escape hatch at the last second.<br /><br />Spock is pretty much as good at ciphering as TV contemporary Jethro Bodine.<br /><br />The
Enterprise fires a torpedo at the thing that shot at them, and Kirk is
stunned when it is able to absorb all that energy. Hey, Captain Genius,
your ship just absorbed <i>ninety times </i> that much energy. Or
maybe he's distracted because he's still trying to do Spock's
complicated "goes-into-ing" in his head. Naught, naught, carry the
naught...<br /><br />Kirk finally decides to try to talk to the thing that
killed four billion (I'm sorry, vaporized corpses, I just yawned)
people, that just tried to kill them, and which he's just tried to blow
up. I'd think saying "hello" would be pretty much the <i>first</i>
thing you'd try to do every time you met something new up there in the
great unknown of space, although I suppose as a diplomatic gesture
trying to blow the hell out everything first works too.<br /><br />The thing
that just tried to kill them agrees to beam aboard the Enterprise, and
everyone is so distracted that nobody but me notices that the actor
extra in the transporter room wearing the red shirt is the same extra
who was up on the bridge a little while ago wearing a blue shirt. Maybe
he spilled mustard on his red shirt.<br /><br />The thing that killed four
billion people (sorry...yawned again) and tried to blow up the
Enterprise is a tin gas can with a trash compactor on top. I guess it
must have set those four billion people on fire then ground them up. I
hope none of the four billion people put a spoon down it, because Kirk
will have to call a plumber, and they charge a fortune for space calls.
<br /><br />The special effects team really went above and beyond the call
of duty with the ultra-realistic string that floats the alien device off
the transporter deck and bounces it around the ship.<br /><br />The
Enterprise senior officers all seem pretty surprised that the thing can
move around. I'm not, since I'm apparently the only one who remembers
that two seconds ago the thing was outside flying at warp 15 on a
friggin' string.<br /><br />The thing is called Nomad, it was launched from
Earth in the early 2000s and was subsequently damaged and then repaired
with alien technology that corrupted its original programming and is now
traveling back to Earth to find its creator while in the meantime it's
whiling away all those boring in-between hours in space by killing
biological infestations.<br /><br />Don't confuse this with V'ger from <i>Star Trek: The Movie</i>, which was launched from Earth in the late <i>1900s</i> and was subsequently damaged and then repaired with alien technology that corrupted its original programming and <i>will be</i>
traveling back to Earth to find its creator while in the meantime it
will while away all those boring in-between hours in space by killing
biological infestations. That time will be much different because it'll
be ten years later, 50 million bucks richer and there'll be a bald
chick.<br /><br />Gee, I hope Spock logs all the files on this Nomad
encounter in the right spot in the computer, because you wouldn't want
to mix up these once-in-a-lifetime alien encounters.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i><span style="line-height: 1.3em;">Stop being a better actor than me!</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;">The brilliant machine is so stupid it thinks Kirk is its creator, a guy
who in an incredible coincidence just happened to have been called
Dunkirk or Poonkirk or SomeotherKirk. Isn't it amazingly serendipitous
that it just so happens that first syllable was erased in whatever --
(possibly a spoon, the jury is still out) -- it is that damaged Nomad?
Isn't it also unbelievably good fortune that the guy who beeps once for
yes and twice for no isn't still the captain of the Enterprise? Figure
the odds, Spock. No, wait, we don't have time to wait for you to take
off your shoes to do all that highly advanced ciphering.<br /><br />Uhura
turns on the intercom and starts subjecting the entire ship to her
singing. I'm not kidding. So if some bored crewman down on Z deck
feels like broadcasting fart noises to the whole ship, he can do so just
by flipping a switch. It would also sound better than Uhura's singing.<br /><br />Nomad
hears Uhura shrieking over all the loudspeakers and floats out the door
on its string to see who is skinning live cats. It floats up to the
bridge where it sends a blue beam into Uhura's face and gets her to stop
singing. If Nomad can get her to never fan dance again, he'll be my
favorite floating tin bucket with a trash compactor on it in the whole
wide world. <br /><br />V'ger -- oops, I mean Nomad -- kills Scotty, and
medical man Bones stands over the body and announces, "He's dead, Jim."
I'd say he's the crummiest doctor in the universe since he doesn't even
make any attempt whatsoever to revive him, but simple CPR was probably
disinvented somewhere in the 22nd century, so that makes Bones <i>not</i> an incompetent quack I wouldn't trust to put on a Band-Aid.<br /><br />Nomad
says it can fix Ilia...oops, I mean Scotty. All it needs is some
crackers with anatomy books on them and a cheddar cheese scalpel.<br /><br />It
fixes Scotty just by bouncing around on its string next to his bed in
sickbay. It doesn't even send out a beam or a tumescent antenna like it
did an embarrassing few minutes ago when it was tracking down Uhura.<br /><br />Once
Scotty is alive again -- no thanks to the ship's chief surgeon who was
afraid to perform the kiss of life because it'd make him look gay in
front of Sulu -- they tell Nomad to fix Uhura. It says it can't fix
her because her brain was wiped clean, so Spock says they can reeducate
her and Bones plasters on that disturbing wax smile that always looks
like he's trying to grin his way through a proctological exam. I'm glad
the compassionate doctor is so happy that Uhura's entire memory --
which would include her family, friends, and every life experience to
date -- was washed away like a wet sponge across a blackboard. Hey,
just as long as it's not you it's A-okay, right, Albert Schweitzer?<br /><br />Two
minutes later Uhura is somehow already reading at a kindergarten level,
and Bones and the homely nurse laugh when she mispronounces "blue."
And the compassion train just rolls on and on in Dr. Mengele's Zany
Ztarship Zickbay.<br /><br />Spock does a mind-meld with the garbage
disposal top part of Nomad and figures out that Nomad was originally
supposed to sterilize dirt samples but has decided to branch out to
include people. Personally, once I got it to lower its shields I'd have
chopped it up with an ax, but feeling it up is okay too, I guess. <br /><br />Spock
also is able to find out Nomad's history and how it was rebuilt after
it was damaged when it joined with an alien probe. Okay, I can accept
that a small pile of scrap metal can travel at warp 15, that it can wipe
out entire planets and send out photon torpedoes that are 90 times more
powerful than those on the Enterprise even though there is no evidence
of any kind of rocket launcher out of the thing's tin bucket, and that
it can perform CPR without ever leaving its string, but how is it that
Spock can read the computer records in its own garbage disposal head
when it can't access those exact same records? I'm starting to think
they maybe didn't think this episode through clearly. Gosh, I hope they
do a big screen remake one day that fills in all the blanks. (Also
that costs millions of dollars more, is as boring as watching snail
races on CBS, and that Scotty won't die in that version and will have a
mustache. That would be sweet.)<br /><br />Nomad punches out the homely
nurse, zaps a couple of red shirts, and goes to engineering, which is so
modern that it is run entirely with Lite Brites and plastic bowling
balls. I think it's going to gas everybody on the ship or something.
Who cares?<br /><br />Kirk tells Nomad that he is a biological unit.
Nomad's entire raison d'etre is killing living things and it didn't
bother to check Kirk's pulse? What adorable innocence in a probe that's
killed at least four billion people.<br /><br />Kirk tells Funnybot that
everything that is in error must be destroyed and that Nomad was in
error, so Nomad naturally starts smoking like an ashtray at a Dean
Martin celebrity roast and Kirk and Spock toss it out the window where
it blows up.<br /><br />At the end, we learn that Uhura is already back to
college level and will be back on the job in a week. Apparently
reeducation is a snap for a gal who has nothing on her brain but
"hailing frequency open, captain" and pie. Too bad she'll call the cops
on her parents when they show up at her apartment unannounced on
Christmas because she'll have no memory whatsoever of them.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-6290526581723461372013-11-11T21:44:00.002-08:002013-11-11T21:46:11.114-08:00Goofball Review of Goofball Star Trek Episode "Amok Time" <span style="font-size: small;">At the start of this week's Star Trek, Kirk and Bones are trying to
figure out why the Enterprise just got a million dollar phone bill for
one of those sexy logic-talk chat lines and why the ship's computer hard
drive is loaded up with Vulcan porn.<br /><br />The homely nurse sees them
in the hallway and tells them she's made Spock some pumice soup, since
he's spending all his time moaning in his quarters lately for some
mysterious reason. He's also developed acne, gotten all moody, his
voice is changing, and he is awkward around girls, but no one can figure
out what could possibly be ailing the Vulcan hornball.<br /><br />Spock has
a temper tantrum and throws the soup and the homely nurse out into the
hallway, yelling that she can't even cook, which means she has
absolutely nothing going for her. He also tells Kirk that he's a fat,
fat fatty, says he hates living on the Enterprise, tells Bones he's a
stupid-face, and slams his bedroom door so hard he knocks Great Aunt
Tillie's picture in the silver frame off the credenza.<br /><br />Our little Vulcan is growing up.<br /><br />Bones
says Spock will die if he doesn't get some. Forget everything bad I've
ever said about him: Bones is the best doctor ever.<br /><br />Chekov's wig
looks like it was stitched together using live rats by blind maniacs in
a Peruvian insane asylum, but it's still more realistic than his
Russian accent.<br /><br />Spock tells Kirk that he's going through
something called "Poon-Fart," which is a special time in a young
Vulcan's life when he is ruled by his underpants, and that he's so far
gone even the ship's Quasimodo nurse is starting to look not half-bad.
He says marriage is the only way to not go crazy and die, so he must go
back to Vulcan and -- employing a 1960s TV euphemism to keep the censors
happy -- "take a wife." Obviously Spock is a lot more naive than we
thought, since every guy knows the best way to not "take a wife" ever
again is to get married.<br /><br />I notice that during his whole big
Poon-Fart explanation to Kirk, Spock has herpes on his lip, so he's
apparently "taken a wife" in at least one spaceport already.<br /><br />The
Enterprise is due at some big ceremony on the other side of the galaxy,
but if there's one thing James T. Kirk appreciates more than duty it's
some good, old-fashioned alien screwing, so he risks his career in order
to change course to fly his randy first officer to the nearest Vulcan
whorehouse.<br /><br />At Vulcan, a dame called Titring appears on the
monitor and Spock says she's his wife, so Kirk wasted all that gas, will
probably get fired by his boss at Starfleet, and now won't even get
sloppy seconds at an alien bachelor party, which is pretty much the only
reason he flew all the way out there.<br /><br />Kirk, Spock and Bones beam
down to the plywood Vulcan Stonehenge and Spock bangs a dinner gong
which is the start of a ceremony called "Canuck Colored Feet."<br /><br />Apparently Spock isn't technically married to Titring yet, so they must be like one of those couples on <i>Judge Judy</i>
who have five kids and have lived together for ten years but never
bothered with the piece of paper. "We don't like to define what we've
got, so stop imposing your, like, <i>rules</i> on us, man."<br /><br />Titring
stops the Canuck Colored Feet wedding ceremony because she's been
two-timing Spock with a guy with even bigger ears and a Mercedes. The
Vulcan high priestess who was carried in on two sticks by a bunch of gay
Vulcan strippers says Spock is in a blood fever called "Plaque Tower,"
which is pretty much the Earth equivalent of what a guy feels like when
he learns his wife is running off with the garage door repairman.<br /><br />Titring
is eyeballing her big-eared paramour, who is wearing a tinfoil apron, a
crocheted Dr. Who scarf around his waist and whose name is Stun. Stun
demands to fight Spock, because the men in a purely logical race
naturally decide who gets the broad by beating the hell out of each
other. <br /><br />The old lady priestess hollers and Spock gets a pretty
purple scarf tied around his waist. These people are somehow heralded
far and wide as smart and logical even though everything they do is
stupid and makes no sense.<br /><br />Titring chooses Kirk to be her champion to fight Spock because...oh, who cares? <i>Cut!</i> Bring in the doubles!<br /><br />Kirk's
and Spock's stunt doubles fight with stick weapons that look like a
flattened, sharpened hubcap on one end and part of a punching bag on the
other. The weapons are apparently effective for the sole purpose of
ripping Kirk's shirt in the first two seconds of the fight.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.startrek.com/legacy_media/images/200306/tos-034-spock-and-kirk-battle/320x240.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.startrek.com/legacy_media/images/200306/tos-034-spock-and-kirk-battle/320x240.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 1.3em;">Captain, no means NO!</span></i></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Spock is so out of his mind with rage over the garage door repairman
nailing his fiancee that he nearly murders his innocent best friend.
Hey, somebody check a Vulcan dictionary. Maybe all these years
"logical" has actually meant "retarded." <br /><br />The fight to the
death is stopped briefly so that Bones can give Kirk an injection that
isn't mysterious at all, so don't pay any attention to it. Also, Spock
and Kirk are each given a pair of suspenders to fight with by a guy in a
football helmet and tinfoil apron.<br /><br />Spock's suspenders break the dinner gong, so no delicious pumice soup for the field hands tonight.<br /><br />Spock
shoves Kirk into an artificial barbecue pit and for a few seconds all
of Vulcan smells like a pig roast, then he strangles him with his
suspenders.<br /><br />If Vulcan is so hot and the air is so thin, shouldn't
the temperature and extra oxygen back on the Enterprise make Spock
freeze and high all the time?<br /><br />Bones pronounces Kirk dead, which
is funny because I could have sworn he was in all the movies. It must
have been some other fat guy in a wig. I always thought Kirk looked a
little like that guy T.J. Hooker, so maybe they hired him.<br /><br />Titring explains why she set this whole thing up, the upshot being that she's a two-timing whore. <br /><br />Spock calls Titring a logical slut. Not exactly in those words, that's the Cliff's Notes version. <br /><br />Spock
tells off Stun over Titring, telling him that having something isn't
the same as wanting it. I figure Stun will find that out himself when
she's nagging his big ears off about not making enough money at the
tinfoil apron store and then goes out and hires a garage door repairman
who mysteriously takes three months to hang the only door in their
one-stall garage.<br /><br />Up on the Enterprise, Spock is so happy to find
that Kirk isn't dead after all that he shouts "Jim!" and jumps up and
down on the bed like the Hobbits at the end of <i>The Return of the King</i>. Then he clams up and gets all cigar store-Indian again.<br /><br />Bones
says the injection he gave Kirk to help in the fight was actually a
mickey that knocked him out, which is a brilliant idea except for the
fact that Spock was a rampaging maniac at the time with several times
the strength of an ordinary human and McCoy's genius idea was to make it
so Kirk couldn't fight back. No, nothing could go wrong with <i>that </i> plan. I take back what I took back up top about Bones' doctoring skills.<br /><br />The
Enterprise flies off into the sunset having learned the valuable lesson
that apparently all they have to do to help Spock the next time he gets
horned up is let him murder somebody, which is the main theme of <i>Dating Tips for Vulcans </i> by Ted Bundy. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-70272389361400390262013-11-06T06:40:00.000-08:002013-11-06T06:40:32.430-08:00Reviews<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="userContent">Thanks to Tractor45 for the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/review/R2R4J3I6U0SRI0/ref=cm_cr_dp_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B00CHPIC7Y&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=133140011&store=digital-text#wasThisHelpful" target="_blank">great review</a> of A
Red Letter Day, The Red Menace #4. What more can a writer say about a
review that ends with a line like that other than thank you?</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-4794050030044954302013-10-20T09:45:00.000-07:002013-10-20T09:45:29.626-07:00Goofball Review of Goofball Star Trek Episode "Who Mourns for Adonais?"<span style="font-size: small;">At the start of this week's Star Trek, a new dame lieutenant is
wandering around the bridge and apparently we're supposed to imagine
she's so sexy that Scotty has to spool his tongue up off the floor every
time she and her beehive hairdo sashays by. She's actually sexy only
in the 1960s sense, which is to say that in the far-off future of, say,
2013 she'd be lucky to get as close to Hollywood as a TSA worker at
LAX. She also has a huge pimple on her chin for most of the episode,
but unfortunately in the distant future of 1968 Proactiv hasn't been
invented, so the makeup department has cleverly concealed it with about
eight pounds of pancake makeup. It's so pointy that if she turns fast,
she could pop Uhura.<br /><br />Lt. Beehive tells Kirk that Polyps 5, the
planet they've just checked in on, is stupid. We learn that, in fact,
the entire region of space they're flying through is stupid. I <i>knew</i> all those episodes of <i>Two and a Half Men</i> and <i>How I Met Your Mother</i> we've been beaming out into space would have to land somewhere.<br /><br />The Enterprise flies up to Polyps 4, where a giant floating green hand appears and grabs onto the ship. <br /><br />Yeah,
you read that right. I'd maybe try to say that a different way, but
there's no way to write it without it sounding as stupid as it looks.
Speaking of looking stupid, Chekov's wig looks like the rats it's
stitched out of got in a turf war over who owns the sideburns.<br /><br />A
big head floats up on the viewscreen wearing a laurel, but doesn't offer
a hearty handshake. The big floating head tells Kirk to come down to
the planet, but Kirk says he's busy having his hair dry cleaned. I
thought they were supposed to be going boldly and exploring strange, new
something-or-others. I figured giant floating heads and huge green
hands that can grab onto his ship like it's a Frisbee would qualify.
What, is something good on TV he doesn't want to miss? I know it can't
be <i>Two and a Half Men</i>. Good Lord, even the <i>commercials</i> for that show are horrible.<br /><br />The
floating head makes the floating green hand shake the ship, and Uhura
squeaks like a mouse. Or maybe that's just a Crips rat in Chekov's wig
getting a shiv in the tail.<br /><br />Kirk beams down to the planet with
Bones, Chekov, Lt. Beehive and Scotty. I'm sure there will be no
complications due to the fact that Scotty is sweet on Lt. Beehive, and
that the floating head will keep his remaining big green hand to
himself.<br /><br />The floating head is actually a guy who says he's the
Greek god Apollo, and to prove he means business he's got his voice
permanently set on reverb, which is something all the ancient Greek gods
did according to the Iliad. <br /><br />Apollo breaks Kirk's communicator
by looking at it, because that hasn't happened in two whole planets.
Those things are so unreliable, Kirk would be better off climbing to the
top of the nearest mountain and hollering up at the ship.<br /><br />Apollo starts listing god names from the index of the copy of <i>Bulfinch's Mythology</i> that Gene Roddenberry obviously checked out of the Paramount library for the afternoon. <br /><br />Bones
surreptitiously examines Apollo with his swirling lipstick while Chekov
checks him out with a transistor radio he lifted from <i>Beach Blanket Bingo</i>.<br /><br />You
know, it's a good thing they spoke modern English in ancient Greece,
otherwise nobody would understand what anybody else was saying.<br /><br />In
order to demonstrate his godliness, Apollo grows really big using
high-tech 1960s TV technology that superimposes one image over another
in the most amazing special effect since the Enterprise first bounced up
to the tennis ball planet utilizing something the visual effects crew
calls "string."</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://uncletaz.com/tazimgz/startrekimg/WhoMournsForAdonais.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://uncletaz.com/tazimgz/startrekimg/WhoMournsForAdonais.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 1.3em;"><i> </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 1.3em;"><i>Oh, yeah, like you've never seen a god's junk before.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">"You
seem wise for a woman," Apollo tells Lt. Beehive, and makes her uniform
turn into some backless fiberglass gown. Instead of screaming bloody
murder, she giggles, says, "Oh, it's beautiful," fetches his slippers
and cooks him a pot roast. No, there definitely won't be a problem
between him and Scotty. <br /><br />Why is it that every female officer on
the Enterprise is fiercely loyal to Starfleet only up until some
spray-painted god with fat rolls around his waist magically sticks her
in some gauzy evening gown, at which point they all immediately turn
into blushing Geishas who start shuffling around happily picking up
laundry and ironing the togas? I knew this would happen when they
started letting dames into Starfleet, but nobody listened.<br /><br />They
try using phasers on Apollo, but he winks and they stop working too.
Why do they even bother carrying those things down to planets? I'd put a
rock in my holster instead, but if the Federation issued it it'd
probably turn to sand before I could throw it at a Nazi on Planet Nazi.<br /><br />Scotty
tries to attack Apollo a couple of times, even though Kirk orders him
to keep it in his pants, and he gets smacked and zapped for trying to
defend the honor of a tramp who obviously doesn't have any. Yeah, no
guy knows what <i>that's</i> like. Apollo also strangles Kirk a little, but fades away in embarrassment when he sees Shatner's over-the-top performance. <br /><br />Apollo starts listing god names from Bulfinch's again.<br /><br />Apollo
makes out with the dame and either his awesome Olympian powers or the
camera angle make the pimple on her chin miraculously disappear.<br /><br />Every
time Apollo strangles Kirk or beats up Scotty, he fades and
disappears. Kirk assumes he's getting weak and has to go off and sit on
a battery recharger. It doesn't even enter into his toupee that Apollo
might just be going off to yon porcelain Argo to pincheth a Herculean
loaf, forsooth.<br /><br />Kirk's big idea is that they should all yell mean
things at Apollo when he gets back, which is basically the same idea
Sir Bedevere had for the French taunters in <i>Monty Python and the Holy Grail</i>
and even Graham Chapman thought it was stupid. Kirk figures Apollo
will get weak and they can kick him in the crotch or something and then
run into outer space and climb in an open window on the Enterprise. I
mean, I figure that <i>must</i> be his plan since Apollo is still in control of the ship, the phasers, the communicators, and everything on the planet.<br /><br />As
stupid plans go, this one would probably take the blue ribbon at the
state fair. I'd think the amount of effort Apollo would have to expend
on four hecklers would be insignificant compared to whatever juice he's
putting out to hold a starship in orbit in the grip of a giant green
floating hand. Charlie Callas put up with worse from the front row of
the Sands on any given Saturday night, circa 1975.<br /><br />Apollo shows
up from his nap, and Kirk, Bones, Scotty and Chekov start yelling mean
things at him. He's about to smite the crap out of them, but before he
can turn them into four burned patches and two smoking wigs on the
ground, Lt. Beehive intervenes. She insists that Apollo is kind. Let's
take stock, shall we? He rattled a ship full of people like dice in a
plastic Yahtzee cup, strangled Kirk, beat the crap out of and
electrocuted Scotty, is holding the landing party hostage and is
threatening to kidnap and enslave the entire crew of the Enterprise.
Yeah, he's a real sweetheart. Maybe you should lay off the ambrosia,
zit-face.<br /><br />The pimple chick talks in that 1960s sexy way that
isn't sexy at all, like that fat bleached broad singing "happy birthday,
Mr. President." She insists that she loves Apollo. Yeah, they've been
down on the planet for about 20 minutes, so it's about nineteen and a
half minutes past Stockholm Syndrome setting in for your average female
Starfleet officer. If she can't have Apollo, maybe she can get into one
of those correspondence romances with a nice serial killer on death
row. <br /><br />Meanwhile, Mr. Spock is upstairs figuring out a way to make
a hole in the giant hand that's holding onto the ship. Once he clips
its fingernails and phasers a little stigmata, he's able to holler down
to Kirk.<br /><br />Kirk tells Lt. Beehive to be mean to Apollo, and she
does in spite of all the sweaty Harlequin Romance bosom-heaving she's
been getting up to with him. Apollo gets so mad that he shows her some
stock footage of lightning with his floating head superimposed on it to
show her what she's missing out on.<br /><br />While Apollo is distracted
threading the projector to run some stock footage of a blizzard tying up
traffic in downtown Chicago, Spock shoots Apollo's gazebo. The gazebo
glows and then turns into Styrofoam rubble, and Apollo gets so mad that
he holds his hand to his chest like Fred Sanford and tells Hera and
Elizabeth that he's a-comin'.<br /><br />You'd think a guy who patiently
waited on an unrealistic outdoor set with felt grass for 5000 years for
some humans to finally fly out and find him wouldn't give up so easily
after meeting only five people out of untold billions for a half-hour.
I've had longer conversations with strangers in doctors' waiting rooms.
And if he took just two seconds for a little introspection he'd maybe
realize he was the one who was being a big jerkwad, what with all the
strangling and giant, ship-fondling green hands. Instead, he fades away
and dies, leaving nothing behind but Roddenberry's copy of Bulfinch's
and an episode title which I'm sure is supposed to be clever but which I
don't know what the crap they're even talking about.</span>
<br />
<table border="0" style="table-layout: fixed; width: 100%px;"><tbody>
<tr><td class="smalltext" colspan="2" width="100%">
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-50885209851959882842013-10-09T23:18:00.000-07:002013-10-09T23:18:18.872-07:00<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">After
another nightmarish day of toiling in a yard that somehow went jungle
over the summer...sore, sweaty, cold...it's nice to stumble in from
working well into the dark of night to find this warming little ray of
light.</span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent"><a href="http://readersfavorite.com/book-review/13168" target="_blank">Click here to go to Reader's Favorite review of Royal Flush.</a></span></span></span></span></h5>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqy962uZmp1rGHbOkZUobJwn1pEjo0aFg1GL-57-riYM0Zz8Sw25Acv5Qivg-CN-fcPp_NS0k0CTCFEwsnh3orz6X-QShovEaNAoiqz82peMSTeqpMCN1t810NHc09BTPz20GJ0191Dw4/s1600/RoyalFlushCover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqy962uZmp1rGHbOkZUobJwn1pEjo0aFg1GL-57-riYM0Zz8Sw25Acv5Qivg-CN-fcPp_NS0k0CTCFEwsnh3orz6X-QShovEaNAoiqz82peMSTeqpMCN1t810NHc09BTPz20GJ0191Dw4/s320/RoyalFlushCover.jpg" width="190" /></a></div>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent"> </span></span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-57783444029206290712013-10-07T18:01:00.001-07:002013-10-07T18:01:48.922-07:00On the Government Shut-down<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">I
still don't get how you close a mountain. Hasn't a government that
thinks it can close a mountain -- and does -- gotten just a smidge too
big for its britches? I have this image of a Terry Gilliam cartoon
where some guy in a trench coat unplugs the Rockies from the horizon,
sticks them in a briefcase and walks off grunting angrily. When real
life has become a Terry Gilliam cartoon, something is desperately,
fundamentally wrong with real life.</span></span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-82677248285276108642013-10-01T07:48:00.003-07:002013-10-01T07:48:44.915-07:00On Horror Movies...<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">I
don't do horror movies. While I wholeheartedly approve of teenagers
being hacked to pieces by masked maniacs, I find the actual eviscerating
depressing to watch. I DO sometimes do comic horror movies, although
rarely and I hadn't seen a good one in many years. (One of my favorites
from years ago was Fright Night, made on the cheap but clever and a lot
of fun with a great performance by Roddy MacDowell.) If anyone cares, I
recommend Zombieland, which is a couple of years old but which I only
just recently saw. A smart movie on a shoestring budget, and not too
gory after the first ten minutes or so, once the premise has been
established.</span></span></span></span></h5>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480201774775611991.post-78776869739156973672013-09-17T07:52:00.000-07:002013-09-17T07:52:15.413-07:00 Goofball Review of Goofball Star Trek Episode "Space Seed" <span style="font-size: small;">At the start of this week's Star Trek, the Enterprise finds an old
derelict ship from the 1990s adrift in space. You remember all those
spaceships we were always launching out hither and yon in the Nineties.
We had plenty of time for space exploration in that very serious decade
because it's not like we were busy with the O.J. trial hosted by Judge
Ito, poor little JonBenet Ramsey, and brushing the luxurious fringe of
hair on our Slobodan Milosevic dolls.<br /><br />We're told that the last
world war ever was also apparently in the Nineties, which is nice
because the one I figured would be along any day now apparently never
materializes. It's funny that I don't recall the world war we had in
the 1990s, because that's the sort of thing I usually remember. Or
maybe I was distracted by all the Lady Di coverage. She was a candle in
the wind, you know. <br /><br />Kirk orders historian Lt. MacGyver to come
over to the derelict ship, and she comes over after she builds her own
transporter from two rubber bands and a discarded popsicle stick.<br /><br />The
floating ship is called the Botany Bay, and there's a frozen chick
onboard wrapped in bubble wrap so that she doesn't get damaged during
shipping. <br /><br />We learn that 2018 was when warp travel will be invented, and this sentence is grammatically correct even though it isn't.<br /><br />There
are other people on the Botany Bay wrapped in bubble wrap, and the
landing party finds Mr. Roarke from Fantasy Island in one of the giant
fish tanks but, sadly, Tattoo isn't in a little fishbowl on the floor
next to him.<br /><br />Ricardo Montalban is Mexican, and historian Lt.
MacGyver identifies him as Indian and says that Sikhs were the best
warriors of that age, proving in the first five minutes of the show that
history isn't really her strong suit. Maybe she'll be better at...oh, I
don't know -- just off the top of my head -- mutiny, maybe? We'll just
have to wait and see.<br /><br />Lt. MacGyver, who has cut off her 1980s
mullet, says that Ricardo Montalban is "magnificent" and drools all over
his fish tank. No, she definitely won't be a problem later on.<br /><br />Ricardo
Montalban actually was magnificent. He sent me a whole bunch of
autographs to give to family and friends just before Christmas many
years ago. This doesn't have anything to do with this week's episode,
he was just a very nice man.<br /><br />Scotty does a scan and says that 72
of the people are alive and that 30 are women. What the crap difference
does that make? Did he count 60 knobs and divide by two?<br /><br />Ricardo
Montalban, who is Mexican, is named Khan and apparently isn't Mexican
after all. Boy, is my face is red, which means Lt. MacGyver would
probably identify pasty Irish me as an Apache. How, kemosabe.<br /><br />Khan
is brought over to sickbay on the Enterprise where Bones has a whole
bunch of butcher knives hanging all over the wall. I'm not sure why,
since the only surgery he ever seems to do involves floating a
transistor radio over a patient's chest while it goes <i>woobidy-woobidy-woobidy</i>.
(The transistor radio, not the patient.) Khan wakes up and grabs one
of the convenient knives hanging on the wall and threatens Bones with
it. I never saw that coming.<br /><br />Kirk comes in after Khan doesn't
O.J. Bones, but Khan won't answer questions because he says he's too
sleepy. So Kirk leaves him to nap, but not before opening up the ship's
library to him and letting him read every possible technical manual and
yellow schematic cracker he can lay his hands on, including <i>How to Take Over Starships for Megalomaniacal Dummies</i>. Just like with the knives hanging on the wall in sickbay, I see no problems that could possibly come of this.<br /><br />Bones
says that Kirk felt Khan's magnetism. I hope that doesn't mean what I
think it means, or hornball Kirk finally has crossed the final frontier.<br /><br />In
Star Trek in 1993, genetically superior supermen seized power in forty
nations. In real life in 1993, flabby genetic messes Bill Clinton,
Boris Yeltsin and Helmut Kohl were busy seizing interns, booze bottles,
loose cash, and everything they could grab from the dessert trolley.<br /><br />That
history dame shows up in sickbay and brings her sexy Lauren Bacall
lighting with her. Khan fusses with her hair and says it should be
"soft, natural, simple." Then he teases it, sets it and sticks her
under the hair dryer for forty minutes while he does her nails and
dishes all the latest hot celeb gossip.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.girlsinspace.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/spaceseed02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.girlsinspace.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/spaceseed02.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="line-height: 1.3em;">An<i> interesting</i> monster should have an <i>interesting</i> hairdo.</span></span></div>
<br />
Khan makes out with MacGyver then goes to a party where he drinks some
blue booze and lets it slip to everybody that he's a maniacal,
bloodthirsty dictator from Earth's history. In blue booze, veritas.<br /><br />Back
in his quarters, Khan tosses lady MacGyver around, squeezes her hand
and tells her he's going to take over the ship. She says okay, which is
exactly why I always say dames should be home in the kitchen baking
futuristic pies and not serving in Starfleet. I'm calling my space
congressman.<br /><br />Kirk looks at Khan's yearbook photo, or maybe it's
his mugshot from when he was picked up for public urination on West Cow
Street in New Delhi after punching that snake charmer in the throat.<br /><br />Apparently
from 1992 to 1994 Khan controlled one-quarter of the Earth. You now, I
really swear I'd remember all this. Or maybe I was just too wrapped up
in who killed Laura Palmer to have paid enough attention to all these
big world events.<br /><br />There are no clothes on the entire Enterprise
other than Starfleet uniforms, so they stick Khan in one even though he
came aboard wearing his own clothes. It's just like how in real life
the Navy is always picking up those bedraggled guys with the long beards
on the homemade rafts that look like they've escaped from a Sergio
Aragones comic in <i>Mad</i> magazine and dressing them up like Admiral Nimitz. <br /><br />They
also put only one balding guard outside Hitler's door, so naturally the
story ends here because Khan clearly will be stuck inside for the rest
of the episode because how on earth could a brilliant genetic superman
beat the crap out of Elmer Fudd and escape?<br /><br />Uhura <i>REALLY</i> should wear pants.<br /><br />In
a shocking plot twist, Khan escapes and takes over the ship. He shuts
off all the power to the bridge, and since it didn't occur to
Starfleet's genius engineers to install an emergency beamer, spiral
staircase or even a rope ladder even though the ship gets taken over and
the bridge locked up every third episode, Kirk and everybody else
passes out. <br /><br />Khan tells Spock and all the others to join him, and to prove he means business he sticks Kirk in the washing machine.<br /><br />Everybody
is in a conference room watching Kirk on the rinse cycle on TV, and the
history dame says she doesn't like that program and since Khan won't
give her the remote control to switch over to a Valerie Bertinelli movie
on Lifetime, she says she's going to stay with her mother and leaves.
Of course brilliant Khan doesn't suspect that she ran out of the room at
that precise moment in order to save Kirk before the spin cycle kicks
in, because he implicitly trusts her since it's not like she arbitrarily
switched loyalties to anybody else in the past forty-five minutes.<br /><br />The
TV in the conference room mysteriously switches off a minute after
history dame MacGyver leaves the room, but no one finds it suspicious
because they are so distracted by Uhura's hammy, horribly acted
overreaction to Khan's announcement that Kirk is dead, which is probably
the absolute worst bit of acting in the entire history of the Star Trek
franchise including everything from the guy who played the robot every
time he tried to act like anything other than a robot in the New
Generation series. <br /><br />The dame lets Kirk out of the washing
machine and he puts a stink bomb in the vents, and everybody passes out
except Scotty, Spock and Khan. So with an escaped lunatic running
around the ship naturally Scotty announces to Spock over the supermarket
intercom that store manager Kirk is on his way to the produce
department to grab the Mexican Sikh who's eating all the grapes without
paying for them.<br /><br />In engineering, Khan jumps out and tells Kirk
that he has five times Kirk's strength. He takes Kirk's phaser and
crushes it in his bare hands, proving how crazy he really is since a
genuine Original Series phaser would bring in a fortune on eBay.<br /><br />Kirk's
and Khan's stunt doubles fight, and Kirk's stunt double would surely
have lost if not for the fact that engineering consoles in the future
have enormous plastic clubs built into them that you can pull out and
beat the hell out of people with, so at least Starfleet's engineers got
one thing right. <br /><br />Kirk decides to maroon Khan and his followers,
including the mutinous history chick who I'm not sure is that other
MacGyver after all, on a planet where they can live in the dust storms
and get bugs in their ears, and Khan says that'd be just swell. Also,
Scotty's accent briefly disappears. Maybe he was thinking back to the
thirty unconscious dames he was fondling as he was counting all sixty of
them back at the beginning of the episode.<br /><br />Spock says it would
be interesting to revisit Khan's new planet in another 100 years. Say,
this gives me an idea. This was a pretty okay episode. If they ever
decide to make Star Trek movies in the way-off distant future of the
1980s, they could make a movie sequel of this one episode and then milk
all the various plot elements from that sequel to death from about 1994
to 2013 and probably beyond, but with each subsequent entry making less
sense, utilizing increasingly louder explosions and marginalizing Dr.
McCoy's character so they can pack in more nuded-up broads. That'd be
cool, dude.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05784373580088961028noreply@blogger.com0