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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Secret Cabals

I got one of those forwarded Internet notes warning me about some secret cabal that really runs the world. My opinion on secret cabals that really run the world has always been, wouldn't they do a better job of it? And if there really IS a secret cabal running the world and they're doing such a rotten job of it, wouldn't a more competent secret cabal come along and usurp them? Nah, it's simpler than that. It always is. The world is nuts, it's run by idiots and no one knows what he's doing.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I'm a dolphin trapped in a man's body. I demand a dolphin-friendly bathroom with a giant salt water tank. (It is, of course, "hate speech" to suggest these sad souls should be directed to the toilets in the loony bin as soon as they try to hire some quack to butcher them, and that the butchering "doctors" who prey on obviously deeply psychologically disturbed individuals should be directed to the toilet facilities in San Quentin. Wonko the Sane was right.)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I sometimes think the original Star Trek writers were high as kites on goofballs. Last night I watched an episode where Kirk and co. beamed down to a planet where malevolent flowers and exploding rocks were killing off Red Shirts one by one. Then Kirk, Spock and Bones meet a bunch of painted-red aliens with giant white Halloween fright wigs. One of the aliens is Starsky or Hutch...I don't know which...the one who beat his wife. The painted-red aliens worshipped a giant papier-mâché snake head that needed them to throw bananas down it in order to make it rain. Then another Red Shirt was hit in the head with a giant wishbone and died. In the end, Kirk killed the papier-mâché snake head, but we never saw what it was inside or how it grabbed the Enterprise in a tractor beam. Kirk told the painted-red aliens to be fruitful and multiply, and everyone laughed. They were like giant five year olds. Without their papier-mâché snake head to do everything for them, they'd all be dead a week after Kirk flew away. On a drugged-out scale of 1 to Chris Farley, I'd give the writers/producers/director at least an 8.

Monday, May 28, 2012

"The best book starring drunken P.I. Crag Banyon to be released this week."

Devil May Care, A Crag Banyon Mystery

The Top 10 Movies People Lie About Having Seen

 Here's the original story

People really lie about having seen these?  Why? 
1. The Godfather -- Great movie.  I've seen it a million times.
2. Casablanca -- Finally saw it on TV a bunch of years ago.  Eh.  Bogart stole his whole act from Crag Banyon.
3. Taxi Driver - Walked out on it.
4. 2001: A Space Odyssey -- Fell asleep on it.
5. Reservoir Dogs - I've heard the name, but have no idea who is in it or what it's about.  Does that count?  (Wait, is this a Quintly Tortilli movie?  If so, I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever see it.  Never. I can't stand that foul-mouthed twitch machine.)
6. This Is Spinal Tap -- I thought it was funny years ago, but it doesn't hold up.  I saw it a couple of years ago and I was very surprised at how painful it was to watch.  I don't think I smiled once.  I can't stand Meathead.  Christopher Guest's mockumentaries are much better.  For one thing, they're funny.
7. Apocalypse Now -- Awful movie that you're supposed to say is great.  The only laserdisc I ever traded in; and those things were expensive.  Read Heart of Darkness instead.  It'll take less time.  
8. Goodfellas -- I've seen it a bunch of times.  Good movie about horrible people.  
=8. Blade Runner -- I saw the original version years ago, but not any of the million remakes.  I'm pretty sure Larry of Larry, Darryl and Darryl is in it. 
10. The Great Escape -- Great movie.  Every time I watch it I always feel bad that Donald Pleasance ended his career chasing Jamie Lee Curtis' bogeyman.  He was a fine character actor.
So I've seen seven of them, I bailed on two of them and I'll never see one of them.  What do I win?

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Currently $35.99 at Amazon. I don't know how long it'll be on sale, but it's usually $51-ish there and a lot more elsewhere. Great show. I highly recommend it.

Life on Mars: The Complete Collection (UK)